How to spot a tourist

I try really hard to quasi-blend in wherever I travel. Truth is, before I even open my loud strong-American-accent mouth, they probably already know I'm a tourist.

As my British-friend Ricky pointed out, I tend to make fun of the Brits quite a bit. Well, here you go Ricky... "How to spot a tourist" - by yours truly.

(1) They have their cameras set up. Everywhere. Even in front of everyday places.

(2) They wear "I Love London" tshirts. And bags. And they simply can't get enough of "keep calm and carry on" splattered on their outfits. (They also might be near a sightseeing tour bus as shown below)

(3) They have their luggage at a cafe. It is approximately 10 times more luggage than the average business man carries

(4) They never cross the street until the little green man is showing. Seriously? Who has time for that?!?

(5) They look lost and are carrying a map. (In this case they also might stare directly at you as you take the picture - maybe they wanted help?)

(6) If they aren't wearing London swag, they are probably wearing Abercrombie&Fitch

Where is the royal baby parade?

I was so happy to land in London to realize that Kate had held off having the baby a whole week for me to get back in town! I didn't want to miss this important event....

I expected all the streets in London to be filled with a parade for the royal baby (let's be honest, there is a parade for just about everything else in London). Infact, I expected the day off work on Tuesday so we could all watch this parade. It at least drinks at work. Or the day off early?

People keep asking me what it's like to be in London with the birth of the royal baby. The answer? It's like Tuesday. 

Contrary to my expectations, no one was talking joyfully about the baby on the tube (no one was talking on the tube at all - per usual). The conversations on the elevator/at work were more influenced by the recent thunderstorm than the baby. There was a 21 gun salute at the Tower of London (which we can see from the office) and people did not rush to watch it through the windows (except me - and I missed the majority of it).

One of my coworkers walked by buckingham palace when the sign was revealed announcing the baby (by mistake) and reported back that it "was clearly all tourist and no Brits". Yes, there are some diehard Brits who waited outside the hospital for Kate plus one to appear but the thought of taking off work to stand there didn't exactly cross my mind. 

Where is the parade?!?

Part of the lack of overwhelming excitement is due to the republican view that there shouldn't be royals and they are a waste of money etc. One of the online newspapers even has a "republican" button you can press that turns off all baby details. 

Princess Anne, when asked what she thought of the royal baby said she was happy for the family but it doesn't effect her life. I think that's how several of my British friends feel too. It isn't "new news" that Londoners are more reserved than the average American. 

In conclusion: the streets of London haven't joyously burst out in songs of praise the king and William did not yet hold the baby for a "reveal" like something out of lion king.

Sorry to disappoint. (But I was disappointed as well)

Proper passive agressiveness

I would venture to say every large workplace has passive aggressive moments. (No, I am not saying that "passive aggressive" is limited to the UK). What I am saying is that the non-confrontational nature of the British culture creates an environment where passive aggression thrives. (but then again at least no one is bringing a gun to the office? maybe sticky notes are the answer to safety issues?) These three notes were ALL discovered on the SAME half of the building on the SAME floor on the SAME day. I only wish that I had enough time to go on an "angry note scavenger hunt" and find all of the notes scattered around the rest of the building.

I'll be honest. My favorite is the "please wash your hands". because that was not added by a custodian.

Independence Day in "Great" Britian

Not that great if you can't beat a few rebel colonies if you ask me....

(Just kidding) The just kidding is for the English people who read my post (I think more English read my blog and so as I embark on a sassy post I hope that they know it is all in jest - cant actually afford to lose friends here!)

I have been asked several times what it's like to be an American celebrating the 4th in the UK. I think it is like winning a rival football game at their home and then getting to celebrate at their bars. Like winning a Texas A&M football game in Austin and then celebrating on 6th street decked out in maroon.... And singing some Aggie fight songs. (Yes, expect some American songs to be spontaneously played today in London... Especially at our team meeting)

What's better about the Fourth of July is that we already won the match and just get to keep celebrating it every year. 

My British colleagues attempt to give us a hard time and say they are glad they dumped the colonies. But don't worry, I won a free room/drinks at a bar and they all seem to want to celebrate the 4th with me. Hm. (Guess their love of beer is stronger than their love of their country?!?)

Unfortunately, I write this post on my way to work. This week every team has to spend an hour shredding documents since we work on a confidential project (boo). My team has to shred ON THE FOURTH OF JULY! To me shredding sounds like a tax. I think I should be exempt. 

Would you fancy the cinema?

Yes. Direct quote from a Brit.

"Fancy" and "cinema" in the same sentence. 

Turns out you have to play by their rules when you are in their country... If you try to search for "movie theater" on google maps your only option will be the type of theaters that show plays and operas.

Cinema it is. You win google maps.

Informal beer tasting

Anyone who has seen my Facebook probably realizes that the beer/pub culture is a huge part of the British way of life (either that or it's just my mom who notices...) So naturally when I have one night to show Charlotte what London is all about, I take her on a tour of the British beers at the local pub behind my hotel (I mean, she can learn about the arts and theater through her study abroad program, right?)

How did I do this? I made an impromptu beer tasting experience (something more easily done in the UK) where I ordered half pints of a variety of beers so we could "sample" all of them. Pretty genius if you ask me- and an easy way to give her some "London culture" without us both crawling out of the pub.

Go to my happy place

Sometimes when the tube is 105 degrees and humid on the way to work and I'm uncomfortably pushed up against my sweaty neighbors - I listen to avicii and pretend I'm at ACL (music festival). 

.... I usually am able to resist a fist pump in the subway. 

Tourist in your town

It's not just me. Tons if expats here have the same issue. You just don't go to all the touristy places on your own. Maybe because we are actually living life here and doing things like.... Work. 

I also realized that there is no need to do "touristy" things alone when I can wait for a friend to come visit and have the experience with a friend.

Insert Ashlyn coming to town! Ashlyn and I played tourist and did proper British things - Tower of London, afternoon tea, changing of the guards, Harrods. 

It's funny to realize it took me 4 months to do some of the typical touristy things that others do in just a weekend. Makes me think of how many "touristy" things I missed out on in 3 years in Dallas. (Took me 2.5 years to actually go see where JFK was shot! Yes, I stood on the "x" in the middle of the road)

Really, the stop and go bus tours in your own town is not a bad idea.

Tea and Taxes

I love learning just how the British people view Americans & America. Three stories come to mind:

(1) I read a book (non fiction) about a British girl who moved to America at age 7 (or 9?) and when asked how she liked American, she proudly responded "well, I think it will be a great country when it grows up"

(2) This weekend I was at the Tower of London (more to come on my amazing weekend with Ashlyn later). We had a tour guide that explained to us "if only you guys had paid your taxes.... All this history could be yours"

(3) I had this online conversation with Michelle (see below). Background - I left me tea in the other room and she brought it back to me. (And yes, anyone who knows me is probably not surprised that I was talking and became absent minded and left my tea.)

Sweet Home Hotel

I think that you just truly feel at home living in a hotel the day that you shamelessly eat food off the carpet. (Don't "ew" at me! They probably vacuum this place more than you do your own house!)

Oh yes, and I cleared out all of the food in the fridge (do they say "fridge" in London? Ill have to notice sometime) so that I can use the baby "fridge" for my own stuff.

Summer coat

I posted a new profile picture today in Facebook. Yes, probably the lamest way to start a blog post, but stick with me. I posted a picture I took this weekend of myself in a coat, scarf, and sunglasses (yes! It was one of the oh, so, few sunny days I've had here!)

I was told from a girl I work with (Elif) said that its very "summery" since, you know, I'm wearing sunglasses. And I mean, definitely a more summer scarf since its not wool and covering my whole neck. I liked her comment. Yea, it is a summery pic for the changing of the weather! (You know, from cold and rainy to slightly less cold and rainy)

Then Memorial Day hit. And everyone is posting pictures that are tan, by the water, and in bathing suits. Well damn. 

Has my idea of a summery pic changed? Sunglasses, a slightly less warm coat, and a "summery scarf" does not a summer make.

Sunscreen in Texas is a necessity to keep from frying past the point of peeking. Sunscreen in London is to "prevent wrinkles" since there might be just a few rays of bad uv rays seeping through the clouds. I wear sunglasses to remember what they feel like. The closest to a tan that I might get this year is store bought.

Summery pic?! Ha. It's all part of your perspective.

Proper research at the proper time

When going on a trip, most people do their proper research (especially when headed to a third world country). I completely missed this memo. I mean, I did my proper research, only problem? I completed the research in a reactive manner. Once I was already sunburned, sick from the water, and randomly bleeding from the head. Perhaps this could be avoided by spending some quality time with google before the trip (and less on Facebook?!?)

I will also note that the random otterbox search was due to my pending question of if I could break out of a potentially sketchy cab using my otterbox case in the situation came to that. 

To avoid unnecessary additional posts I am also going to share some valuable tips from Iberian Air about how to exercise on a plane. Good to know... (See attached image)

Learn from my mistake. Research the hotels (bring toilet cleaner if needed), research safety, look into sanitation of a country and tips on preventative measures (maybe you won't eat fruit and salads and be on the lookout for tampered water bottles). Or? You can live life on the edge (or stupid/lazy) side and make this mistakes the hard way.

A seagull's paradise

Essaouira. The little sea town located two hours west of Marrakech (which I realize is a stupid comment since I literally had to have Nathan point out which country was Morocco on the Africa map WHILE on the trip, so why would I think you would know the actual location of Marrakech? ... And I know, lousy way to impress coworkers with my intelligence)

Essaouira is an old-style down with old-style fishing. You can see boats being pulled in by a group of 10 men, fish being divided up, sold, and cooked around the corner. Nathan walked through a dozen shops in a row that show you the catch of the day (most still alive) picked his fish, and had then grilled right there for lunch. Me as the vegetarian? Just tried to stomach it all (I did fine! Especially since I am overcoming a stomach bug.. Probably for drinking too much water? Or because I have a weak American stomach that needs to toughen up!)

The views are amazing, the simple way of life is humbling, and the beach? Well, I could listen to waves forever. In fact, I am as I write this now. I wish I could take more than pictures since it is impossible to capture the warmth from the sun ()3 brisk breeze, the crashing of the waves, and the white noise of French in the background. (Turns out people speak French in morocco... And I thought it was only in France! Again, my highschool Latin is really not helping me out much here. More so my charade skills - like pointing at the ocean to ask for water and acting out carbonation to explain that I don't want gas in my water.)

Marrakech, the DisneyLand of Morocco

It might have been because we had just come from fes (old, large Medina, non-touristy town) but the easy definition of Marrakech is truly the Disney of morocco (based on my vast one week experience and all of 4 cities thus far to compare it to)

Marrakech is how you picture Morocco. All the buildings are the same red color, modern pottery and tapestry shops, very fancy cacti gardens for the rich and famous, and an authentic hamman (bath house - but try to think of going to the bath when neither your nor the masseuse/salt scrub lady can speak the same language!) The hotels? Right out of sex and the city movie 2. (Not that I'm complaining, I nearly kissed the floor at the Starwood hotel as I entered back into civilization... Okay, it's not THAT clean to kiss... But still) the market was in a large square with the crowds and chaos you would expect. (I don't have any pictures of the market square since I had to leave my camera/phone at home to avoid it being stolen. I'm sure you can google it though!)

I will tell you though that my non-pasty (or as Nathan says "Casper white") skin and the morocco sun finally met. I actually look more like a human than an albino for the first time in months! (I will avoid those pictures too for fear of a lecture from my mom, the nurse. Yes, I wore sunscreen)

The Saharan Taxi

Micha, Nathan, and I took (as we were told) a Saharan Taxi. Aka a Camel ride. We were told that a camel is the best form of transportation across the desert because you give them water and food once and you are good to take them on your journey. People would literally ride them for 45 days. After about 15 minutes though, we had had enough... and only half way done.

The boys complained about their man parts - Nathan even sat cross legged for part of the journey (which I'm sure is completely against some safety regulation.. But then again, so is riding camels led by random Berbers in the desert. No safety video required to ride) and me? Well, I would say that it was the world's slowest taxi I had ever taken. And I've sat in a New York cab in time square during rush hour. I am pretty sure I could walk across the desert faster than the camels and they have two extra legs. It was a good test of patience though!

All in all, it was fun to ride a camel. I will have pictures to come of me in about a month when Nathan gets his camera cord for his computer (if any of his friends randomly read this, can you please send it? Thanks. I'm clearly lacking patience today) oh and we even saw baby camels!