Multi-cultural coffee date

After my trip to visit Bryna in Zurich, I have decided that I am fascinated/in awe of the differences in cultures that exist from country to country. The Swiss have their own rules (no laundry on Sundays so you don't disturb your neighbors) and a unique culture that an ex-pat has much to learn to play by the rules of the proud country. I loved hearing about the cultural adjustments Bryna has had to make or adhere to as she transitioned from America to Brussles to Zurich. 

Which leads me to my hypothetical coffee date. (Disclaimer: I know these are steoyotypes and don't apply to everyone, but there is truth to stereotypes - and I had this post second level reviewed by a trusty Portuguese friend and an American - thanks Pedro and Nate!) A Brit, an American, a Swiss, and a Portuguese meet for afternoon coffee.

The Arrival:

The Swiss is on time. Their public transit is efficient (thanks German influence!) and they appear clean and dressed to the nines. 

The Brit is a few minutes late complaining of "tube issues" (whether or not there were any - the excuse always works) but you believe them because their shirt is sticking to their back.

The American might be a moment late, but unlike te Brit, the American has the luxury of texting while driving. Which they probably did. They probably then also started a conversation via text on their way to coffee.

Where is the Portuguese? Good damn question. Everyone else is saying the same thing. They probably show up half way through the coffee date. If lucky. (But we will pretend they show up now to continue)

The Greeting:

Three kisses from the Swiss, two from the Portuguese (and if it's a male, it definitely means you will have rough beard scratches on your face), a handshake from the American (or what we call a "side hug").... and one kiss from the Brit, or a handshake, or weird hug (But it will definitely be slightly hesitant and awkward)

The Drink Choice:

Portuguese - espresso (wow, did you even wonder?!)

Brit - tea (which means black tea) and probably with milk. But the correct milk to tea ratio only.

Swiss - they are proud of their hot chocolate, and any coffee will due, or straight up glugenhiem (mulled wine) mid day because it's so damn cold.

American- coke. Maybe diet coke. Because it's 'merica. And they do what they want.

Conversation:

For the Brit? The conversation will definitely be about the weather. This is new company afterall, don't get too personal too fast. Better to talk about the ever changing weather (that's sarcasm, which the British also do quite well - and will let you know that their humor is far more superior.)

If the American is male, they will talk about football. But not everyone else's football. American football (clearly). But the others all expect this level of self cernteredness. The American is SHOCKED that the others don't know all the NFL teams or that the aggies are part of the SEC now. He is then shocked when they ask what an "Aggie" or "SEC" is.

The Swiss have nothing bad to talk about. They all have money (that's not a joke) and they all seem happy. All. The. Time. They probably just talk about their weekend ski trips. They also might brag a bit about their money - or at least buy everyone a really nice present (seriously, I need to make more Swiss friends) and talk about their new Audi.

The Portuguese will talk about their family and their country. It's debatable which they love more. And you better not make fun of either. Portugal is not a joking matter. Back. Off. Rest of the world.

The Bill:

The Portuguese will complaining about their salary compared to the others.

The Swiss gets a standard of living adjustment. They are happy.

The Brit is trying to remember whose "round it is".

The American didn't realize you have to ask for the bill. The others will also laugh when they add a tip. 

The Goodbye:

They will all wish each other "Merry Christmas". Except the American who will say "Happy Holidays" (pat on the back for being politically correct). Oh yea, and repeat the kissing number differences/side hugs like before. 

Maybe they all say goodbye in their respective language. Thankfully this American isn't dumb enough to offend the Portuguese by saying goodbye to them in Spanish. But no one understands the language coming from the Swiss. Is that German? French? 

The Departure:

The group is faced with a busy street upon leaving and are all trying to get to dinner...

The Swiss walks like they are the most important person on the street in a hasty manner (it's their French influence).

The American tells the person trying to cut the lines (or "queue jump") exactly "what's up" in a confrontational manner.

The Brit pushes others out of the way slightly and in an appearingly orderly manner. And gives a fake apology if he/she hits someone.

The Portuguese is still at the table having the third espresso. They are in no rush, they aren't even eating dinner until 10pm. They will probably be late anyways.